Born To Plod

Blog Post: Vive Le Marathon: Some handy phrases for Paris 2013

Borntoplod — Thu, 04 Apr 2013 11:12:00 GMT

A few of my friends are running the Paris Marathon this weekend so it’s only fitting that I post a little something to wish them luck. Rather than give in to casual racism and write about garlic-flavoured energy gels and such, I thought I’d go for the equally lazy option of posting a few French phrases which may come in handy** along the 26.2 mile route...

Pardonne-moi, Est-ce que ca vous gêne si je fais pipi dans votre jardin?

Excuse me, would you be offended if I widdled in your front garden?

Ce déguisement d'Obélix n’était pas très bien réfléchi.

This Obelix costume was a poorly thought out idea.

Merci, cette médaille est étincelante.

Thank you, this medal is ever so shiny.

Commissaire, je suis chassé par des loups.

Marshal, I am being chased by wolves!

Et Voilà! Une magnifique scission négative.

Witness my magnificent negative split!

Aidez-moi! La friction est telle que la douleur va devenir une histoire mythique.

Help! My chafing has reached such a level that my agony will become the stuff of legend!

Combien de temps y-a-t-il avant la prochaine station de bourgogne?

How much further to the next merlot station?

Flamant rose!

Flamingo!

Mais Monsieur le gendarme, il y a une erreur. Clairement, j'ai dit flamant rose à cette demoiselle.

But officer, there must be some mistake. I clearly said Flamingo to that young lady.***

And if things really go wrong…

Entschuldigen Sie mir, mein Herr; ich habe mich verlaufen. Können Sie mich bitte auf den nächsten Rennenoffiziellen anweisen oder zumindest in der Richtung Frankreich! Herzlichen Dank

Excuse me kind sir, I'm a little bit lost. Could you please direct me towards the nearest race official. Or at least in the general direction of France. Thank you.

Many thanks to the lovely John-Paul McCrone for his French/English wizardry. A word of warning though… Although I love the man like a brother, I can’t guarantee 100% that Johnny will have resisted the urge to slip in some mischief. So don’t blame me if, for example, you try graciously thanking the organisers for your medal and end up saying “your leathery knees are the sexiest things I’ve seen this fortnight, Mr lobster-breath”.

Thanks also go to Alex Bellars for stepping in with a post of German. This is by far my most multicultural post ever; it’s practically a Benetton advert.

A final mention to Matt aka Angry Jogger, whose training diary for Paris has kept me entertained and made me wee myself twice. If you haven’t checked out his blog, what’s wrong with you?! Do it now.

So, to everyone running around Paris this weekend, Bon Chance.

@borntoplodblog

** They won’t.

*** If you’re slightly confused by this “Flamingo” nonsense, all will be revealed here.

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Blog Post: 13 Top Running Tips (to give to people you hate)

Borntoplod — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 14:39:00 GMT

13 Top Running Tips (to give to people you hate)

Optimal fat burning zone is 170% to 185% of max heart rate.
Tie a juicy steak to each leg before every run. If you come across a vicious dog, the smell will trick it into thinking you’re a similarly vicious dog who has just eaten some juicy steak, and it will leave you alone.
IAAF rules state that if you slow down to a walk at any point during a long training run, you have to go back to the very beginning and start all over again, or incur a £2000 fine.
Doing a speedwork session? Tying your shoelaces together will promote faster cadence.
Dipping your earphones in honey will stop them from constantly falling out during a run.
Sudden stabbing pains and/or blurred vision are a sign that your body is ready to tap into a secret glycogen store that not many runners know about. You should definitely speed up.
Untying the shoelaces of fellow runners a few seconds before the start of a race is an old racing tradition and a welcome way to lighten everybody’s spirits.
To avoid injury, running shoes should be replaced every 500 metres.
The most biomechanically efficient running style is to keep both ankles together and hop like a big rabbit.
If you find yourself flagging during a race, remember that for 15-20 minutes after taking an energy gel, we lose a large percentage of their carbohydrates and electrolytes through our sweat. Simply go up beside a fellow runner who looks like they might have taken a gel recently and lick the side of their face. Be sure to whisper the special code word (“Flamingo”) so they don’t just mistake you for some sort of pervert.
Conversely, if the runner in front of you seems to be struggling, a sharp slap on their buttocks as you pass will shock their core muscles back into life and give them a much needed boost. Again, code “Flamingo” will ensure there’s no embarrassment or misunderstanding.
If a fellow runner silently nods or waves at you, it’s a sure sign that they’re choking on something. Perform immediate Heimlich manoeuvre. Ignore any sounds of protest – that’s just air trying to get past the blockage.
You will be disqualified from a race unless you stop and stretch the very moment your foot crosses the finish line.

PS: I really really REALLY can’t stress this enough… please be sure to read the title of this list and take it in the spirit it was intended. The author cannot be held responsible for any injuries (including Code Flamingo related beatings) sustained by anyone stupid enough to take any of these seriously. They’re simply not true, just like that time when Dave Cooper from Year 2 told you that Santa would bring you a pet tiger if you ate all that frogspawn.

PPS: Someone once asked me where I get ideas for my blog posts. I was out on a long run earlier today and genuinely started wondering what I could put on my earphones to stop them falling out, and honey was the first thing that came into my mind. The rest pretty much wrote itself over the next 11 miles. I think I might be my own personal nemesis, which would certainly explain a lot.

If you want more of this nonsense, I’m on twitter (@borntoplodblog) and have recently started a facebook page. If my FB page gets a million likes, I will donate £2 to charity or clean out the gutters at the back of the house. Not both though.

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Blog Post: The Snot Rocket Diaries

Borntoplod — Tue, 26 Feb 2013 12:46:00 GMT

Like a 7 min/mile pace and the ability to look good in a vest, the snot rocket is a skill that many runners take for granted*. Not me though; for some reason I’ve never quite mastered the art of squeezing one nostril shut and jettisoning a nose goblin from the other. Others seem to do it with effortless grace, sending their nasal payload zinging through the air like a slimy green dwarf fired from a circus cannon. Doesn’t stop me from trying though…

1^stJan: Wet sleeve

3^rd Jan: Wet sleeve

8^th Jan: This…

10^th Jan: Wet sleeve

11^th Jan: Passable effort. Gym staff less than pleased. It’s true what they say: You never really appreciate how many nooks and crannies are in the average treadmill until you’ve been forced to clean stuff out of one by a scowling Adonis.

20^th Jan: Wet sleeve

22^nd Jan: Wet sleeve

2^nd Feb: Wet face

8^th Feb: Went in my eye

9^th Feb: Decorated a fellow parkrunner. Unexpected speedwork session. Who said runners were a friendly laid back bunch???

13^th Feb: Wet sleeve.

16^th Feb: Gave up and bought a hankie.

If any Hollywood moguls are reading this, I’m willing to negotiate a screen adaptation of the Snot Rocket Diaries. While some might argue it’s more Adrian Mole than Anne Frank, it does feature bogeys, and everyone loves bogeys*. Facto.

If you want to learn more about this sort of thing then you can have a look at this instructional video by Mark Remy off of Runners World. Also, you’re a bit weird.

* Fun fact: At one point in the mid-eighties, 85% of all British punk bands were called” Snot Rocket”.

(Not really)

** Although some people love them a bit too much. While idly researching the subject online I stumbled across a picture of a charming young lady snot rocketing into her friend’s open mouth from point blank range. There are some things you just can’t un-see.

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Blog Post: Jay’s Running Tips (stop laughing!) #1: Count up, Count down

Borntoplod — Wed, 13 Feb 2013 14:44:00 GMT

It’s not often that I post proper running tips on here, mostly because I don’t feel comfortable calling myself a proper runner. The danger of me writing such an article is that it would invariably be something along the lines of “10 ways to improve your marathon PB using a Frisbee and a jar of pitted olives”. But the other day while banging out a sweat-tastic interval session I stumbled upon something I found quite useful, so I hope you will too.

I love interval training. I love the fact that it doesn’t take up much time, so it’s ideal for a lunchtime session or a quickie before work. I love the effect it has on my speed (if you can call it that). I love the sheer pushed-to-the-very-limits aaaaargh-ness of it.

Would you like to improve your speed? Try our 6 Tricks to Run Faster.

What I don’t love is the way my brain doesn’t agree with any of the above.

Allow me to explain. I do my interval training on the treadmill at work, purely because it’s easier to keep tabs on the time/distance that way and because sometimes it’s just a nice indulgence to have an indoors run with the telly on*. But as much as I enjoy these sessions, I find that (the workshy) part of me is always desperate for the hard bits to be over and I end up watching the numbers slooooowly ticking past on the treadmill display. Even when I manage to look away, I’ll still be juggling mental arithmetic, trying to work out how many excruciating seconds I’ve got left before the next recovery phase. I hate myself for this; I run because I choose to, not because it’s some awful chore that I’ve been forced into. I should be relishing every step (and to be fair, most of me does. It’s just the tiny part of me that longs for an easy life that I take issue with).

But I think I may have found the answer. Counting**.

I read somewhere that Paula Radcliffe, who likes a bit of running, counts her steps in multiples of 100 during races***. This is partly because it’s a technique of disassociation and also because she knows that, based on her cadence, three sets of 100 steps equals one mile. A cunning tactic, but no help to me. I needed something that wouldn’t allow me to dwell on how long I had left to go, something that couldn’t be easily divided into chunks of discomfort which I could then mentally tick off as I hurtled towards the next sweet recovery phase.

Simple solution then: Choose a number that’s outside my mathematical comfort zone, especially while in the mind-fog of high intensity training. Okay, so that’s any number.

So, I decided to give it a whirl. After setting up an interval programme on the treadmill, I proceeded to cover up the display using pieces of paper. I had considered using black tape, but didn’t want the whole thing to look like a photoshoot for a highly specialist edition of Readers Wives. Then I set off exactly as usual, except rather than fixing my sweat-stung gaze on the LED display I just relaxed and counted my steps

I counted to 35, a number chosen completely at random, and then when I got to 35 I counted back down to 1 again. I then kept this going until the machine beeped to signal that the first fast-paced bit was over. I repeated this for each interval, choosing a different number every time in case my treacherous brain suddenly went all Rain Man and started doing maths at me.

Free from the tyranny of little red glowing numbers, I was able to just enjoy every step of the run, relishing the experience rather than wishing it away.

For all I know, it might be a technique that’s already been around for ages, but it’s a new one on me. I’ll certainly be using it in future runs whenever things get mentally tough. While digging around for the Paula Radcliffe thing, I found this article, which is definitely well worth a read.

So… now that I’ve written a post about running tips, does that make me a coach? Do I need to buy my own whistle, or will someone from the IAAF pop round with one?

* I’ve found that MTV works better than Countryfile, by the way.

** I would have preferred a technique that involves colouring-in, but this’ll do for now.

*** I’m not the brightest spark, so most races would be long-over by the time I finished counting to 100. Running barefoot would get me to twenty, but then I’d have to start asking marshals to take their shoes and socks off if I wanted to count higher, and they always look at you funny when you do that.

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Blog Post: Hello 2013, you’re looking lovely…

Borntoplod — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 16:04:00 GMT

So, by now you may have read my ever-so-slightly puerile review of 2012, in which I looked back at the running resolutions I’d set myself this time last year. The purpose of today’s post is to set myself some new goals in the hope that they’ll imbue me with a sense of purpose and laser-guided single-mindedness, rather than my default setting of “jogging round in little circles while scratching my head and drooling”.

Speaking of drooling, there’s a reason I haven’t posted as much lately. Two reasons in fact. You see, the Plod household has recently been blessed with the pitter patter of four new feet. I’ve given up asking my wife for a hippopotamus, so I must instead be referring to the arrival of our beautiful new twins, Milo and Izzy. They arrived early, so both are still a little on the small side (just like Daddy) but are doing well. Their Mummy and their big Sister Amelie are both doing their best to help, but obviously I’m doing all the really hard work. It’s not easy being a man. Anyway, that’s enough gushing, other than to say that every step I run this year will be dedicated to my amazing family.

Hey, it’s my blog, I can be mawkish if I want to! Besides, I’ll just counterbalance the sentimentality with some stuff about ninjas. So anyway, onto the targets for 2013. Some are brand new, while others are carried over from last year. Let’s have a look…

1. PB! PB! PB!!!

(Apologies to any American readers who use “PR” instead of “PB”, but if I’d used your version it would have just looked like this one was written by an increasingly angry cat). Anyway, I’ve decided to lump all my PB goals into one bullet point this year, due to budget cutbacks. Targets are as follows…

1 mile: 6.45 (currently 07:20)

5k: 22:00 (currently 24:28)

10k: 48 (currently 53:10)

Half Marathon: sub 2 (currently 2:13:18)

To be honest, these figures are pretty arbitrary. I’m not sure if they’re actually attainable, but they’re certainly in the area I’d like to be. I did try playing around with the McMillan calculator, but my 5k PB doesn’t reflect my times at all other distances, which is odd because I’ve always felt a bit stronger over longer distances (I’m too flumpish to be a racing snake).

2. Run one of them marathons

This one must feature on so many people’s lists at this time of year, and after 2 years of (sort of) running it’s finally made an appearance on mine. Towards the end of 2012 my long training runs were creeping up within spitting distance of 20 miles, so I think I’m about as ready as I’ll ever be to start marathon training in earnest. I didn’t make the VLM ballot, so it’s just a matter of choosing another race to take my 26.2 mile cherry, preferably a nice one that’ll cuddle me afterwards and send me a muffin basket the following day. With it being my first marathon I’m guaranteed a PB, even if I stumble across the finish line at the same time as the bloke who hasn’t been following the news recently and decided it’d be a jolly wheeze to run dressed as Jimmy Saville, and who was then forced to spend the next two days hiding in a bin before it was safe enough to rejoin the race. But like many of you, I crave stats and solid targets, so I’ve set myself an (again) arbitrary goal of 4:15:00. From reading up on the marathon experiences of others, sub-4 seems to be something of a holy grail, and I’d always hoped to join that particular club with my first attempt. But there’s a (very small) part of me that’s trying to be realistic, and sub-4 would mean maintaining an average 9:09 min/mile pace. Considering that I tend to bimble along at this pace on anything over 6 miles I can’t see it happening for the entire duration of a proper big-boy distance, so I’ve been a little more conservative. Of course, when I’m on mile 22, I’ll be thinking “sod the arbitrary targets, I’ll be glad just to get round this bloody thing in one piece”.

The prospect of 26.2 miles is nearly as terrifying now as it was when I first started running, so wish me luck folks (when I finally get round to signing up for one, that is).

3. Get off the beaten track

I made a couple of feeble efforts to try trail running last year, but to be honest I never really went much further than “damp cycle track”. I did buy some trail shoes though, and enjoyed the feeling of ploughing straight through the muddy bits with heady abandon rather than nimbly tip-toeing around them. While out running along country lanes in my sparkly road shoes I’ve seen loads of tempting public right-of-way signs, but they all seemed to involve traipsing through ankle-deep sludge. Well this year I’ll be wearing appropriate footwear and embracing the sludge.

4. It’s not all about the running

Another leftover from last year’s goals. I was seeing some great results from my non-running sessions (primarily strength & conditioning sessions, insanity workouts and stretching/rollering). This year I need to get back into that routine and hopefully mix it up with forays into other sports and activities. Suggestions welcome, but not cribbage and nothing involving alligators.

5. Charity

After the VLM ballot, I resisted the temptation of grabbing a charity place. Although he causes were worthy, I’d heard too many horror stories about people struggling to raise the required amount and having to pay hundreds out of their own pocket. When I do sign up for my first marathon, I’d rather focus on the training without having to worry about other stuff. After the first one’s out of the way and I’m an old hand at running 26.2 miles I’ll probably reconsider. That said, I do like the idea of running for a cause and so this year I WILL be running for charity, just without the scary minimum donation thing hanging over my head. As you’ll know This year I’ve witnessed first-hand the excellent work done by The Special Care Baby Unit at Kettering General Hospital, so will be setting up a JustGiving page to hopefully raise a bit of cash for them.

More details to follow, but in the meantime if are interested in donating, please don’t just send babies. They’ve already got those.

6. “And I will run 500 miles, and I will run 500 more…”

Okay, so due to a mojo deficit towards the end of 2012, I missed out on last year’s 1000 mile target by a whisker. This year I will nail it. So there.

Next year it will be 2000. Then a million. Then a million billion. Then in 2017 I’ll probably drop back to 1000 miles, just to give my legs a bit of a rest.

7. Races

Nothing gives your running more of a boost than the prospect of an impending race. I sort of forgot this last year (with a couple of notable exceptions) and don’t plan to make the same mistake twice. I haven’t booked anything yet because I wasn’t sure when the baby explosion was going to happen, but I’ve got a few races and events on my wish list. I’d really like to do at least one 24hr event this year – most likely Thunder Run again if I can grab a space on a team. Also, I really enjoyed the Cransley Hospice 10k last year, so that’s one I’ll be aiming to do again too. Other than that, I’m hoping to do my first marathon (as mentioned above), a couple of halfs and an assortment of shorter distances. Again, your suggestions are more than welcome, particularly anything within easy reach of Northants and Bedfordshire.

8. The kindness of strangers

I’ve always been a bit of a lone wolf* when it comes to running. Never joined a running club, never run with a buddy, just plodded around in my own happy little world. The closest I’ve come to engaging with others in my running life has been restricted to a few trips to the physio and rubbing shoulders with fellow runners at races. Oh, and blogging to you lovely lot of course. But I’ve decided that 2013 will be the year of making the most of the help that’s out there, so watch this space. I’ll be looking into joining my local club (although shifts at work and a hectic family life mean that I probably won’t be able to play with them too often) and seeing if I can beg, blag or barter some time with all manner of specialists: Coaches, physios, running lab boffins, nutritionists, campanologists, I’ll take all the help I can get.

9. Those jelly babies won’t hand themselves out

I think anyone who’s run in an organised event will agree: Marshals maketh the race. The energy-boosting cheers of a few enthusiastic marshals can take even the most average race and transform it into something outstanding. So one of my goals for 2013 is to give a little back and do at least one stint as a marshal.

10. Hiya!!!

It’s no secret that I’ve always taken great enjoyment in that happy moment of camaraderie that we call The Runners Nod. But if, in that split-second, we’re trying to say “Hello there my friend, running’s brilliant isn’t it? And we’re both doing it! We’re both running! That means we’re brilliant! Byyyyyye!” is a surly nod really the best way? Well, no, it isn’t.

So 2013 will be the year of going beyond the nod. Instead I’ll make every effort, regardless of how many miles are in my legs, to smile, to give an animated wave, maybe even a double thumbs-up.

Will I get funny looks? Probably.

Will I care? Umm… Probably.

Will I do it anyway? Yup.

Some would say that this particular goal is a metaphor for life itself. They’d argue that life is a flawed yet utterly wonderful thing, and that rather than keeping it at arms length with a reluctant nod, we should embrace it and “give life a double thumbs-up”.

But it’s not, it’s about nodding at runners. Sorry.

So those are my goals for the coming twelve months. I was generally pleased with how things went last year, but I hope you’ll join me as I plod my way through 2013.

*The whole “Lone Wolf” thing always sounds quite rock ‘n’ roll, but I wonder if it’d attract the same kudos if a different phrase was used. Solitary mallard? Unaccompanied walrus?

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Blog Post: Goodbye 2012: The obligatory look back at a year of running

Borntoplod — Fri, 11 Jan 2013 12:00:00 GMT

Well, it’s that time again folks. Another year over, a new one just begun, and with the new year comes a couple of old traditions.

Firstly, we can expect the inevitable deluge of brand new runners, spurred on by resolutions to get fit, run a marathon, and generally run faster, longer and easier than me with barely an ounce of effort. To be honest though, I’ve finally made peace with this and any annoyance I feel is totally overshadowed by the warm fuzzy feeling I get from seeing others discovering just how ruddy great this running lark is. And that’s swearing.

And if it is your first time running take a look How to Make Your First Run a Success.

Secondly, it’s a time for runners to reflect on what they’ve achieved over the last 12 months and to set new goals for the coming year. And that’s pretty much what you’re reading right now. Before I get too far ahead of myself, I should point out that this particular post is more for my benefit than for yours. I just wanted a handy record of how 2012 went, and what I plan to accomplish in 2013. So don’t expect the usual flights of fancy involving armies of talking whelks or amiable but clumsy yetis (or should that be yetii?)

If it helps, you could see this post as a voyeuristic glimpse into a secret room inside my head. But not the room with the bones and the funny smell; that’s a different room.

Oh, who am I kidding? There’ll be yetii aplenty (aplentii?)

This time last year I posted a few goals for the coming 12 months. The full version can be found here, but here’s a summary of how I got on…

1. Cut down on “junk miles” and add more structure to my running rather than just heading out and hoping for the best.

2. Run 1000 miles over the course of the year

WORK IN PROGRESS

The year started off well, and right up until Thunder Run in August I was juggling a smorgasbord* of different types of run. Hills, tempo, recovery, proper LSRs, intervals, they were all there. I even followed the advice of an excellent book on proper heart rate training and started seeing impressive results when I slooooowed right down on my recovery runs. But by the mid-August I hit a slump. A change in shift pattern at work meant that I’d theoretically have even more time mid-week to get out and run, but for some unknown reason it just didn’t pan out that way. I became the king of procrastination, the duke of self-sabotage, the viscount of non-runningness.

This continued throughout September and into October, and it wasn’t just the quantity of runs that were affected; the quality suffered too. A sporadic running schedule combined with a hectic everything-else schedule meant that when I did manage to get myself out the door I was keen to put some miles in the bank but didn’t have the time to run them slowly. So this resulted in lots of mid-range runs at a mid-range pace and very little else. That said, I’m very much a silver-linings type of person**, so part of me was glad to see my performance suffer, as it taught me just how valuable a varied training plan really is.

I eventually sorted myself out and gave myself a swift kick up the bum, and before too long I was heading out on proper LSRs again and mixing it up with quicker runs. Those of you who’ve read this recent post will know that this came unstuck too, but that was due to injury rather than mojo, and I’m all better now so it doesn’t count.

As a result of all this, by the time Big Ben chimed the end of 2012 I was still nearly 100 miles short of my 1000 mile goal. But I’ve checked the paperwork, and it turns out that if I had managed to hit the magic 1000 I wouldn’t have instantly won a speedboat or my own bodyweight in jaffa cakes***. And more importantly, I’m assured that failing to hit an arbitrary goal doesn’t cancel out all the miles I did run, so I’m honestly not bothered by this one.

3. Eat more healthily

PASS!

I blogged about this earlier in the year, but I’ve found it surprisingly easy to turn my eating habits around, mainly by forcing myself to acknowledge just how easy it is for scary amounts of empty calories to sneak in under the radar. A little bit of calorie counting earlier in the year taught me that it’s possible to just eat sensibly without needing to resort to drastic diets and tree-bark smoothies.

4. Cross train

WORK IN PROGRESS

I haven’t really tackled this as much as I would have liked. Halfway through the year I asked a friend of mine who is wise in such things to put together a strength and conditioning programme for me. I stuck with it for a while and saw some great results, but then the aforementioned slump hit, and suddenly there just weren’t enough hours in the day. Need to get back on this one.

5. Enter more races, including parkruns wherever possible

FAIL!

Less races this year, and not even a single Parkrun, despite one starting up a lot closer to home. Shame on me!

6. Do more trail running

WORK IN PROGRESS

I’ve yet to find any breathtakingly rugged and panoramic routes near me, so I’ve had to take whatever gravelly footpath I can get and just call it a trail. But on the odd occasion when I have ventured out in my trail shoes for a bit of proper mud action, I’ve loved it, so this is something I’ll hopefully be pushing in 2013.

7. 5k PB down to 25:00 (ideally closer to 22)

8. 10k PB down to 50:00

9. Half marathon down to sub 2hr

PASS / FAIL / FAIL

I can’t find the exact times, but I think that when I set myself this goal my PBs for 5k and 10k were somewhere in the region of 27:30 and 1 hour respectively. I do remember my half marathon PB though, because I’d done two of them, and they both came in at 2:13:18.

Generally pleased with my 2012 times, even though I didn’t quite hit all of my targets…

5k = 24:28 (training run, 14^th November 2012)

10k = 53:10 (Cransley Hospice 5k, 16^th September 2012)

Half = PB remains at 2:13:18

The 10k could probably have been a bit quicker, but I stopped off to help a fellow plodder who’d succumbed to Sudden Horizontalization Syndrome (more on that race here). I only did one half marathon, which was the Silverstone Half back in March. It was a nice race, but a combination of too much sunshine and too fast a pace in the first few miles meant that it was no surprise when I dragged myself across the finish line in 2:14:09.

10. Start marathon training towards the end of the year

PASS! (sort of)

I (unsuccessfully) entered the VLM 2013 ballot and I’ve been looking at a few other races to pop my 26.2 cherry. Looking counts as training, right?

Actually, towards the end of the year I did start pushing up the distance of my long runs, and managed to hit 18 miles, so I’m claiming that as marathon training.

11. Say goodbye to double-figure pace

PASS!

When I first started running, it seemed to take forever to get to the stage where I could run comfortably at anything quicker than a 10 minute/mile pace, regardless of distance. Which is why this seemingly petty goal felt quite important to me. At the moment, my default pace for anything over 5k tends to gravitate to around 9:15, so I’m happy with that. Anything above 10 miles and it creeps back up to 10 min/miles, but these generally count as my LSR so it’s to be expected.

12. Manage a pull-up

BIG PASS!

Of all my goals, nailing this one was the biggest surprise. You might remember that this time last year I used the phrase “dangling like a forlorn gibbon”, and for once I wasn’t exaggerating. To some, the goal of managing one measly solitary pull-up might have seemed conservative, but these damned things were my fitness nemesis. I’ve always had okay-ish upper-body strength but for some reason, when it came to pull-ups, it was as though my arms just didn’t work in the same way as everyone else.

But… (yay, happy ending!) thanks to some excellent coaching by my strength gurus, Messrs Sullivan & Verbitsky**** I built up my strength, worked on my technique and metaphorically waved my tonker in the face of Mr Pull-Up. I’m now able to do one set of ten dead-hang pull-ups, followed by three more sets of 7-8. By gym-bunny standards it’s probably not that impressive, but as far as I’m concerned: “Grrr… Me strong”.

13. Keep plodding along and enjoying myself

SUPERPASS!!!

Highs:

Thunder Run

Long runs getting longer, Short runs getting quicker.

Discovering twitter and chatting to some amazing fellow runners.

Thunder Run.

Buying a running top in size small (and fitting into it without looking like a neon sausage).

Meeting and running with Simon Wheatcroft.

Thunder Run.

Lows:

A couple of mojo-sapping lulls.

Sabotaging myself at the Silverstone half.

So, that was a less-than-concise look at 2012. But what does 2013 hold? I tell you what, we’ll have a chat about that next time. You’ve probably got stuff to do, and I want to go and read that book about the happy terrapin that I got for Christmas.

* Never try juggling an actual smorgasbord, you’ll just make a mess on the carpet.

** Yeah, blood annoying aren’t we?

*** I did once enter a competition to win my own bodyweight in speedboats. The bloke who did eventually win it must have weighed at least 20 stone, but it turns out that’s still not an awful lot of speedboat.

**** “Sullivan & Verbitsky” was also the name of a pair of wild-west era travelling snake oil salesmen. Interestingly, Phineas J Sullivan and Angus “Whiskers” Verbitsky just used the illicit panhandling as a cover for their real business of roaming from town to town rescuing kittens and solving mysteries. True story.

(Not a true story)

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Blog Post: Respect the Miles, Stupid

Borntoplod — Thu, 20 Dec 2012 16:03:00 GMT

Do me a favour. If you ever find out I’ve not been following the advice laid out in this post, kindly print it out, wrap it round a brick and throw it at my stupid face. Thanks.

My long runs have been coming along quite nicely of late. I’ve been running for a couple of years now*, and for quite a big chunk of that time my LSR distance has been stuck at anywhere between 8 and 12 miles. Then last month, for reasons I can’t remember, I went out one drizzly Wednesday morning with the intention of just running for 2-3 hours; no distance target whatsoever, just aiming for time on my feet. This was new territory for me, especially given the fact that rather than choosing a familiar route I instead pointed myself in the general direction of some nearby villages and jogged off into uncharted lands like a sweaty little Columbus. What are the benefits of long distance? Try Long Run Training Explained.

The feeling of just forgetting about pace and distance for a while was a liberating one, and when I arrived home two-and-half hours later I realised I was onto a good thing. At 15 miles, it was the furthest I’d ever run, but the biggest plus for me was just how relaxed the whole thing had felt. I was finally bouncing back from a recent mojo recession, and my training diary now looked like this: Week one would involve 3-4 runs totalling 25ish miles, comprising various types of run (tempo, interval, hill, cannonball, logans) while week two would be dominated by a long run where I aimed to increase the time on my feet a little bit more each time, supplemented by a couple of shorter easy runs. It seemed to work well, and the buzz I felt when my next LSR hit 18 miles was balanced with the knowledge that by increasing my distance fortnightly rather than weekly, I was safeguarding myself against injury and burn-out. Here are 10 Ways to Avoid Injury.

Except…

Soon enough, it was time for the third LSR of my new regime, and I was aiming for 20 miles. Now, even as I write this, the part of my brain that specialises in hindsight (I imagine it as a little room in my head populated by incredibly smug numskulls) has just gone into overdrive, pointing out that nowhere in that sentence does it mention how long I was planning on running for. It’s almost as if I’d become so pleased with my increases in distance that I’d completely lost sight of all the “just enjoy the time on your feet” stuff from the first paragraph.

Anyway, I went through the ritual of kitting up for a long run, which had become more convoluted as the weeks had passed. The 15-miler I mentioned earlier had just involved throwing on my favourite shorts and top and heading out the door, the most essential piece of kit being my shiny new philosophy. But by LSR number three, this had somehow evolved to the point where I now looked like I was preparing to run the Marathon Des Sables AND the Badwater ultra with a quick trot up Mount Kilimanjaro thrown in for good measure. Dressed head to toe in skin-tight technical gear and dripping with various gadgets and other kit, I had transformed myself into some sort of effete school-sports-day ninja. But I needed all that kit if I was going to crack 20 miles.

…while aiming to keep under 10-minute miles.

Yep, that’s right; apparently it wasn’t enough that I’d lost sight of the lovely ethos that had spawned my running renaissance. Now I had to chop it into tiny chunks and set fire to the remains, laughing maniacally as I widdled all over them**. Hopefully that’s conjured up a lovely mental image for you.

The first half of the run passed reasonably smoothly, although the hills (of which there are plenty on my long route) felt a bit less forgiving than usual. I stopped off for a quick blast of coffee and then set off on the second leg, which has tended towards negative-split territory on recent runs. But as I ran, my mind became more and more focussed on how much further I had to go until I hit the mystical 20 mile target. Although it was based around a route I’d run before, this time the miles didn’t seem to add up in the same way, and I found myself thinking there must be something wrong with my Garmin. My legs were telling me, in no uncertain terms, that I’d run nearly 18 miles, but my watch said I’d only done 13. A spot of quick maths later, and my pace slowed as I struggled to come to terms with the realisation that my watch was right and my legs were wronger than a drunken concussed clown on University Challenge***.

What happened next was unpleasant. The last part of my current long run route run takes me on as many laps of Blueberry Hills as are needed to hit whatever target time (or in this case, distance) I’d set myself. I’m still not entirely sure what went wrong, or even whether it was mental or physical, but all of a sudden my relaxed slow run became hard and laboured. I’ve talked to a lot of people about what it feels like to hit The Wall, but I honestly don’t think this was it. Have you hit the Wall? Check out How to Train Your Mind to Run Better.

But if not The Wall, it was certainly The Privet Hedge.

Of doom.

Anyway… whatever it was, it left me feeling despondent. The thought of tackling another hill made my heart sink (possibly weighed down by my heavy legs) but I still had another four miles to go until I hit 20. By now I was on a flat stretch of cycle track with hills in front and behind. The flat area was maybe a quarter of a mile long, and at the time I contemplated running back and forth along there a few times so I could hit my precious target without having to run uphill. Thankfully, it was at this very moment that a tiny sliver of common sense took over and told me to stop being so bloody stupid. Quitting is never easy, but a niggle in my left foot was starting to turn into something more, and I knew that this run was never going to end well. I could maybe have carried on, but rather than being a plucky-plodder-triumphs-against-adversity type thing, it’s much more likely that I’d have been left feeling broken, and reluctant to tackle another 20-miler any time soon.

As I limped the last half-mile home at a slow walk, the endorphins quickly wore off, ensuring that the pain in my foot soared past “annoying niggle” all the way to “trapped in a lift with Justin Bieber****”. It felt like someone was jabbing a fork into my left arch while hitting the front of my ankle with a table leg. I checked, and they weren’t, so at least that was some small consolation. But with pain came clarity, and I decided to put the rest of the journey home to good use, taking it as an opportunity to have a much-needed word with myself.

Suddenly it all became clear, and I could see how stupid I’d been. I’d become so enamoured with my escalating mileage that they’d stopped being miles, and were now just numbers. Numbers that I could casually wave under the noses of my non-runner friends like a badge of honour; “yeah, just banged out a quick 15 miles before breakfast, punched a wolf, rescued some baby turtles from a burning barn. No big deal”. A few weeks of decent running had brought me immeasurable pleasure; unfortunately it’d also turned me into a git. But that was all irrelevant now, as I knew I was injured enough that a week or two away from running was almost a certainty. There’s a fine line between building endurance and trying to beat the *** out of yourself, and I’d just crossed it.

Is it possible to do regular 20+ mile runs as part of general training, banging them out as casually as one would a 5k?*****

Well yes, of course it is. I know plenty of people who do it regularly without breaking a sweat. But, unpalatable as it may be, I have to face facts; that’s not the runner I am.

Not yet anyway.

UPDATE: Well, nearly five days have passed now and still no running; and even walking was painful for the first two or three days. A quick chat with Google has indicated that it was an ankle dorsiflexion issue, so I’ve been resting a lot and stretching a lot and eating bourbons a lot (it didn’t say anything about whether bourbons were part of the recovery process, but then again, it didn’t say that they weren’t). I now feel 100% better, which probably means that I should rest it for at least a couple more days.

* Not all in one go, although sometimes it feels like it.

** I wonder if, while writing their autobiographies, the likes of Chuck Norris and Steve McQueen spent as long as I did agonising over the correct past tense of “to wee”. The internet is a wonderful place.

*** Unless there were an unusually high number of questions on the subject of “violently wetting yourself” or “offensive balloon animals of the 21^st century”, in which case he’d probably do okay.

**** Okay, not that bad.

***** Although, if the Me of 2 years ago heard me talking about “casually banging out a 5k” he’d give me a slap. Well, that’s not strictly true. He’d angrily chase me for a hundred metres before sitting down in the middle of the road and wheezily bellowing something along the lines of “I know where you live, you ***. You’ve got to sleep sometime”.

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Blog Post: B2P Q&A: Dan Cartwright (author of How I Became a Runner)

Borntoplod — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 10:08:00 GMT

B2P Q&A: Dan Cartwright (author of How I Became a Runner)

“Running makes me a better me. It just about balances the crazy.” - Dan “the Laser” Cartwright

Welcome to the latest B2P Q&A. For newer readers, this is a regular feature where I ask some of the best bloggers in the runosphere the questions YOU want answered (just so long as the questions you want answered involved octopi, time travel and magical goodie bags). Anyway, let’s get started…

Jay on Dan

Dan writes the excellent blog “How I Became a Runner” in which he talks to his kids, sharing with them the lessons that running has taught him. More often than not these lessons go far beyond the simple act of running, and relate just as much to the wider aspects of life. So he’s kind of like Yoda, but in trail shoes.

As well as being a friend and a colleague, I consider Dan to be the canary down my running mineshaft. He started running a year or two before me and has notched up some amazing accomplishments since then, so I tend to use him as a benchmark of what can be achieved with enough determination and hard work.

Similarly, if he picks up injuries, it gives me an idea of what to look out for in the future and hopefully how to avoid them. The first time running really showed up on my radar was around a year before I started, when we were at work and I noticed that Dan was reading a copy of Runners World.

I remember being intrigued, wondering how on earth anyone could fill up an entire magazine just with stuff about running. Children can run, I thought to myself, so what else is there to know? I half-expected there to be a couple of pages debating whether blue trainers were better than red ones and for the rest of the magazine to then be filled with excerpts from back-issues of Practical Caravanning, just to fill up a bit of space.

Flicking through that magazine and seeing Dan’s already-infectious passion* for running wasn’t quite enough to make me buy a sweatband and hit the streets straight away, but it planted a seed. Thanks buddy.

Dan on Dan

I'm Dan Cartwright and in numbers I'm a sub 20 minute 5k runner, a sub 1:40 half marathoner, sub 4 marathon runner and I've run 3 ultramarathons.

But for me running isn't about the numbers and I Iike to grade runners by the effort they put in.

I train hard and run hard.

I started just for me, then like so many others saw the effect that running has on others. I now write a blog intended for my kids but with a (hopefully) wider appeal and am studying to be a personal trainer while having a full time job and young family.

The Big 12…

1. Which actor would portray you in a movie of your running life? (If someone’s already made a movie of your running life, you can skip this question).

Ryan Reynolds. He's more handsome, tall, fit and talented than me. May as well look good on the silver screen!

2. What’s the one song that never fails to give you a mid-run boost?

Any song from the Rocky Soundtrack (child of the 70's), especially Gotta Fly Now.

3. In 12 words or less, explain why people should read your blog. You can double up to 24 words, as long as one of them is “octopus”.

To be inspired to run outside and enjoy running, to push themselves and achieve more. Blog doesn’t include octopus,

4. Why did you start running?

Like most people I wanted to improve my fitness and lose weight. My brother was doing VLM 2010 and wanted a training partner so I started training for a HM in the March. I finished in 1:49 and surprised myself. Never looked back since.

I genuinely didn't think it would take off the way it did or that I'd get addicted quite so badly.

5. Why do you keep running?

Because it makes me a better me. As nonsensical as that sounds, it keeps me healthy and less stressed. It gives me a sense of satisfaction and pride and it just about balances the crazy!

6. Running’s nice, isn’t it?

Most of the time.

7. What’s the best goodie bag you ever received?

Strongman run in Germany. Brooks hooded top, Brooks T-shirt and neck warmer, food, stickers and most importantly beer!!!

8. Still on the subject of goodie bags, imagine you’re a race director with an unlimited budget; what five items would you put in the ultimate goodie bag.

Local beer

9-bar (love those things)

Branded technical top

Sticker

Most importantly, a decent looking medal (not the cheap crappy ones that you can buy online for 50p).

9. Favourite place to run?

Trails, preferably somewhere I haven't run before. I love the sense of adventure. Winter Running Advice: Trail Show Guide.

10. A law is passed that states all runners must have a nickname, like Caballo Blanco or Alan “the Turtle” Winthorpe. What’s yours?

Easy "the Laser". (child of the 70's, I still think lasers are cool).

11. If you had a time machine and could go back to when you first started running, what advice would you give your younger self? It’s a special running-themed time machine, so you can only offer words of wisdom that are directly related to running. That means no lottery numbers or warnings of “whatever you do, don’t trust that cheese monger”.

Don't start off too hard and don't move up through the distances too fast. I wish I'd spent more time getting competent and happy at 10k and HM runs before leaping straight to ultras. Although now you mention it I would also warn myself about the cheesemonger (lactose intolerant).

12. How are you today?

I'm good. Have a 10 miler today, 8 miler tomorrow and training 26.2 with a new running partner on Wednesday so I'm pretty happy. How are you?

You can check out Dan’s blog at http://therunningman-hibar.blogspot.co.uk and he can be found on twitter @Danrunning. He’s actually stopped writing the blog now, but maybe if you all badger him relentlessly he’ll start up again :)

You already know where my blog is, because you’re reading it, but if you fancy a condensed version of my nonsense (140 characters of less, for instance) head over to twitter and follow @borntoplodblog. LoveYouByyyyyyye!

* If you’ve been directed to this website after googling the words “passion” and “infectious”, I don’t think I can offer what you’re looking for. Perhaps some kind of ointment might help.

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Blog Post: Kit Review: Ron Hill Advance Windlite Jacket

Borntoplod — Mon, 10 Dec 2012 14:45:00 GMT

It’s been a while since I treated you to one of my detailed and informative (ha!) product reviews, so today let’s have a little look at a lightweight jacket from our chums at Ron Hill.

As always, I’ll start off with the caveat that I don’t pretend to understand the various technical aspects of running gear (or of anything else, for that matter). My reviews will always be from the perspective of someone who is blissfully ignorant of anything other than the most obvious of features.

For example, while I don’t know what “taped seams” are, I know enough to nod sagely and make approving noises when the man in the shop tells me that my new jacket has them*.

First impressions then. This was an unusual purchase in that I was paying with a gift voucher, so it didn't really feel like I was spending real money (despite the fact that the voucher was given to me by my wife on my birthday, and paid for out of our joint account). If I had been handing over real jingly-foldy money, would I have paid £50 for this jacket? Honest answer: probably not.

The first thing that struck me was that it was incredibly thin and lightweight, just a single cagoule-like layer so arguably not much material for your money. But I bought it anyway, because I’d read good reviews and, more importantly, it came to exactly the same amount as my fistful of imaginary cash, so was (to my woolly little mind) free.

So if I hadn’t been shopping with a gift voucher I probably wouldn’t have chosen this jacket, which is a shame because if that were the case I would have missed out on a fantastic piece of kit. Let’s have a look at what makes it so great…

Firstly, the colour. It’s a kind of astroturf green, which makes a nice change from the usual choice of black or high-viz. While the main colour isn't as reflective as others, it’s bright and garish enough to get you noticed by motorists (unless you happen to be running in front of a cinematic green screen, in which case you’ll blend right in. But they’ll probably just add the speeding car in later using CGI so, being pretend, it’s far less likely to run you over). In terms of safety, there are several strategically-placed reflective strips, so visibility shouldn’t be an issue, day or night.

Secondly, the features. These are quite low key (for instance, there are no airbags and it doesn’t have one of those special klaxons that wards off mountain lions), and instead it’s a case of “simple things done well” with several thoughtful touches. Although the vast majority of the jacket is made of ultra-thin breathable raincoaty stuff (“Activelite”, apparently), the collar is lined with a microfleece material that really adds a feeling of warmth and comfort.

The drawstrings at the bottom are designed for one-handed use, which while not being exactly a deal-breaker is yet another example of the attention to detail to be found here. The only feature that really comes anywhere close to being a gimmick is the patch of Velcro in the centre of the back where you can attach a Ron Hill Vizion LED (not included).

I didn’t buy one of those so I can’t comment on how good they are or how well they stay attached to the jacket, but I think it’s good that they offer it as an optional extra, rather than including one as standard and ramping up the price.

If I had to pick one gripe, it would be with the pocket. It’s small, which is fine as it wouldn't take much to weigh down such a lightweight jacket, but the fact that it’s only pocketed on one side meant that when I first tried it out, I just found myself running round and round in little circles until I got used to the imbalance. Not really.

…well, okay, a bit.

Of course, the reason you’d wear a jacket while running is to protect yourself from the elephants elements, and so this is where we find out if the Ron Hill Advance Windlite is worth the money. I’ve worn it a few times now, and the first two outings were for long (15+ mile) runs in that horrible misty super-rain. You know, the sort that makes you feel like you've woken up in a car wash again after a night on the Drambuie. Winter Running: Clothing and Safety Tips.

I didn’t set out to do any kind of empirical test of the jacket’s water-repellent qualities, and so it was difficult to judge whether any dampness was due to rain or sweat. The rain did seem to be beading off the surface of the material rather than soaking in, and the important thing for me was that while I might have been wet, I didn’t feel wet. I could see the rain pelting down, I could feel the icy wind on my face, but the jacket did a stand-up job of making sure that none of this had an adverse effect on my run***. And for me, that’s a resounding success.

So, back to the price. Before trying this jacket out, I would have lumped it in with the type of lightweight high-viz you can pick up from Karrimor for a tenner, so the £50 price tag did feel a bit excessive. But having put it to the test, I can happily say that you get what you pay for, and there are plenty of similarly specced jackets out there for a much higher price.

Their pathological aversion to the correct spelling of “light” notwithstanding, Ron Hill have done well here. This jacket has the feel of a product made for runners by runners.

* I can’t remember if the particular jacket I’m reviewing today has these, but it does have a zip, if that helps.

** I’ve since had a look around, and several pieces of Ron Hill kit have the XXXX dock, so I think the idea is that you only need to buy one light which you can then chop and change depending on what you’re wearing as an outer layer. I wouldn’t recommend wearing one of the lights under your outer layer, unless your vest is scared of the dark.

*** My running had an adverse effect on my run.

What’s that? You’re not following me on twitter? Shame on you! If you want to see if I spout as much gibberish on there as I do here, just look for @borntoplodblog.

I bought the jacket at The Running Shop in Northampton (http://therunningshop.org.uk).

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Blog Post: The Art of the Off-duty Runners Nod

Borntoplod — Tue, 27 Nov 2012 14:13:00 GMT

Hello there, great to have you here. I loved that thing you did the other day by the way; you know, the thing. Anyway, if you’ll indulge me, I’d like to have a chat about something that’s been on my mind for a while.

The runners nod has been discussed since the dawn of time, and I think the vast majority of us will agree that it’s a nice thing to do and rarely unwelcome. But, what about when you’re not running?

Like many of you, I was quickly bitten by the running bug*, and I get a real buzz from seeing others enjoying the same simple pleasures as me. When I’m out running and I spot a fellow runner, it’s simple: they get The Nod (or a happy wave, or some other cheerfully panted greeting). But when I see someone out running while I’m just walking down the street or driving in my car, what then?

The feeling of kinship doesn’t just disappear, and I’m left with something of a quandary. I still feel the urge to reach out and acknowledge our shared awesomeness, but how best to do it without it seeming odd? When you’re both jogging towards each other clad in shorts, running shoes and a mutual glow of exertion, a simple nod is all that’s needed, and it can speak volumes. But when one of you is “off-duty” as it were, for instance wearing jeans and a big heavy coat, that very same nod can feel a bit strange.

People, I’ll cut to the chase… We need a signal. Some sort of universal runners salute, a sweaty equivalent of the masonic handshake. I’ve had a few thoughts…

A nod accompanied by a short staccato semi-whispered “runner”.

Good start. The utterance of the word “runner” will let them know I’m not just some random nodder, like you read about in all the papers.

…but what if they mishear me? What if they think I’m nodding in their direction and whispering “scummer” or “bummer” or (and this will only be unnerving to a certain type of person) “plumber”,

Okay, so that’s out. What next?

Some sort of salute? Nope, most of these have already been taken and I don’t people to get confused and think I’m declaring membership of the nazi party, the boy scouts or the Black Panthers.

Still on the subject of non-verbals, I toyed with the idea of adopting the official sign language way of saying “running” coupled with a friendly nod. However, as far as I can tell from a quick glance on t’internet this involves pumping your arms by your sides in an exaggerated jogging motion, and if taken out of context by a complete stranger there’s a very good chance they’d think you were just taking the &$?!.

What about when I’m driving? The temptation is call out words of solidarity and encouragement. Perhaps one of the race-spectator staples such as “keep going”, “looking good” or “doing great, but you’re about to be overtaken by someone dressed as a potato”. The problem with this is that, when you introduce factors such as wind velocity, the Doppler effect and society’s general mistrust of people shouting things from cars, your positive comments can easily be misheard. It’s a sad fact that people’s imaginations will often sabotage your unsolicited kindness, so don’t expect a reciprocal cheery wave from any runner who thinks you’ve just shouted “stupid running person, my nan runs faster than you and she’s 107" or “your legs look like hairy slugs” at them. Or the potato comment, to be honest.

We could adopt a signature item of clothing that we all have to wear when not running, but there’s a chance that not everyone will suit a yellow trilby and/or Hello Kitty dungarees. And neither would go down particularly well at job interviews or funerals**.

I thought about pinning a few of my race medals to the inside of my jacket, and then when I saw a fellow runner I could give a knowing nod and subtly hold one side open to show them, in the same way that someone who called himself “Knuckles” or “Frankie Two-Thumbs” might menacingly show off his shoulder holster. I think the key word there is “menacingly”, and I’m far too pretty to go to prison so it’s back to the drawing board.

Okay, so nothing so far. How about just standing in front of them with a massive grin on your face, arms stretched wide while loudly declaring “Brother/Sister… I’m just like you, and I just wanted you to know that I’m there with you in spirit, following you every step of the way”. Hmm… I’ll refer you to my earlier comment about prison.

All things considered (and unless you’ve got any other suggestions) I think we’re stuck with only two options. Either settle for a simple smile and a nod (and if they get it they get it, and if they don’t they don’t) or just do nothing (while internally wishing them a fantastic run, of course). On the subject of the latter, I’ve often idly wondered if the unspoken good wishes of undercover runners might be magically responsible for those moments mid-run when you inexplicably get a second wind and your legs become suddenly refreshed. So anyway, next time you’re out running and a “civilian” smiles or waves or doffs a yellow trilby, be sure to smile/wave/doff back.

…and maybe run a little bit quicker, just to be on the safe side.

How do you acknowledge runners when you’re not running? Let me know in the comments below.

*Not actually bitten by therunningbug.co.uk, which is lovely and not an actual bug at all. Anyway, they removed at least 80% of the biters from their staff in The Great Purge of 2009.

** And to clumsily paraphrase Groucho Marx, I’m not sure I’d want to work for any employer who’d hire me if I turned up dressed like that.

Thanks for all the lovely comments folks. Don’t forget you can get more of this nonsense by following me on twitter: @borntoplodblog.

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Blog Post: Long Run: I Never Learn, Except When I Do

Borntoplod — Tue, 20 Nov 2012 10:37:00 GMT

The other day I had my longest run ever, a whopping (by my standards) 15 miles at a gentle pace that, allowing for a coffee detour and numerous bouts of stopping to look at stuff, took me just under 3 hours with an average moving pace of 10:22/mile. Pouring over the stats afterwards, I was also surprised to see that my chosen route had twice the total elevation of the mighty Bedford Half Marathon, which is hillier than a hilly thing. Learn more in Hill Training Explained.

But enough of the number-crunching and back-slapping; what I really want to do in this post is commemorate my longest run by sharing a few things I learned during those blissful miles…

1. When seen up close, rather than from a car, roadkill is much more tubey.

2. Looking for some great music to run to? Listening to Dappy singing “we will rock you” makes your legs feel surprisingly fresh.

3. Looking for some great music to run to? Listening to Dappy singing “we will rock you” makes the rest of you feel dirty.

4. …Seriously, it’s like being punched in the soul.

5. If, like me, you find Long Slow Runs mentally challenging, try removing distance from the screen of your GPS watch (maybe replacing it with total time elapsed, or a nice picture of a kitten). I found that this made me less conscious of how far I’d run and how far I still had to go, and instead just let me enjoy each step in its own right. Find out more about Long Run Training.

6. My nutrition strategy of 250ml of High-5, one coffee and five jelly babies was more than enough to get me through 15 miles (albeit slowly). Read more Running Nutrition Advice.

7. If you listen to music while running, it’s guaranteed that at some point you will tap out a drum solo on your tummy.

(Just make sure it’s definitely your tummy. I’m now banned from every Parkrun in the East Midlands)

8. While delicious and vaguely nutritious, my post-LSR meal could be mistaken for the work of a five year-old who’s just spent three days eating blue smarties before being shown a picture of some jambalaya and let loose in a kitchen.

9. The best thing about a long run is that when you get home you can stretch your arms out to the sides and taxi onto your driveway like some sort of sweaty airplane and blame it on a combination of endorphins and dehydration. And yes, I made the noises too. Follow these Hydration Guidelines for Runners to prevent dehydration.

10. When you run, there’s nothing in the world that doesn’t makes sense*. But I’m guessing most of you already knew that J

*Except number 2

Thanks for all the lovely comments folks. Don’t forget you can get more of this nonsense by following me on twitter: @borntoplodblog.

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Blog Post: An Open Letter to a Considerate Motorist

Borntoplod — Thu, 15 Nov 2012 10:29:00 GMT

Dear motorist,

Let me just start by saying, you’re brilliant. When you saw me jogging up to that busy junction, all sweaty and red-faced, you could have easily just ignored me and carried on with your day. To be fair, most would.

But you didn’t. And that’s why I’m writing this now.

I’m not sure what your reasons were; maybe someone had just given way to you and you wanted to pay their kindness forward, maybe you were in a good mood and fancied spreading some goodwill, or perhaps you’re just a lovely person. Whatever the motive, you slowed to a stop and you waved me across the junction with a smile.

Fantastic. If more people were like you, the world would be a much nicer place

Except…

Six-and-a-bit miles into an eight mile run. It was supposed to be a relaxed pace, but I’d been pushing it a bit more than I’d planned to and as a result was huffing and puffing like a battered old steam train that had no chance whatsoever of passing it’s next MOT.

(I don’t think steam trains actually have MOTs, strictly speaking, but let’s imagine for a second that they do and that this one would make the mechanic cry into his oily rag).

Anyway, I digress, and I can see you’re a busy man (although not so busy that you can’t spare a few seconds to help out a weary runner).

So, the point is I was knackered. It’d been a hard run. There’d been hills. And bears. Okay, not bears, but certainly hills.

Well, hillocks, but you get the idea. Learn more about Hill Training.

But I hadn’t stopped. As much as I’d wanted to, I hadn’t so much as slowed to a brisk walk; because that would be giving in, and I wasn’t in that sort of mood.

However, there’s a world of difference between choosing to stop and having to stop, and I knew that this road junction was on my route back and, more importantly, I knew it was traditionally a busy one. So while the proud, stubborn part of my brain was shouting, “Not stopping, Not slowing, Push through it, Feel the burn, No pain, No Cheese (or whatever)”, the sneaky weasel part of my brain was whispering, “just a little bit longer, then you’ll have no choice but to stand still and wait to cross that wonderfully busy road”.

The promise of this junction was dangling in front of me like a carrot stuffed with whipped cream and chocolate sauce, except it was all organic, fair trade and magically zero-calorie. A mangled wreck of a metaphor, but what I’m getting at is that at the point in the run where our paths crossed, the junction was a long-awaited oasis of totally guilt-free rest.

That’s right, the junction. The junction that I was now being cheerfully waved across without needing to break my stride even slightly. By you.

So I smiled, and I carried on running. Because as someone wise once said, there’s a world of difference between choosing to stop and having to stop. And now I didn’t have to stop at all, did I? I didn’t notice if you had your window wound down, but if you did you may have noticed that my smile was accompanied by a whimper.

So, Mr Altruistic Motorist, my heart is filled with love for your kind gesture and my brain is marvelling at what a wonderful world this would be if more people were like you.

But my legs? Well sir, my legs think you’re an absolute &?£$£!#.

Yours sincerely,

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Blog Post: B2P Q&A: Liz Goodchild (aka Runnerstood.com)

Borntoplod — Thu, 08 Nov 2012 10:03:00 GMT

“I did not take drugs before I wrote this, I promise.” - Liz Goodchild (shortly before talking about perpetual kittens and how running is like cheese)

“Running will open up a whole different world for you, and you’ll become a better person” - Also Liz.

Jay on Liz

I’ve never really rubbed shoulders with celebrities before* and I’d been following Liz for a while** before I realised that she was one. Liz has recently been featured in Women’s Running magazine as part of their Operation Ultra series. This saw her being put through her paces for several months before completing her first ever ultra marathon (the Royal Parks Ultra; a toe-grating 31.25 miles), and raising money and awareness for the charity Mind along the way. Ultra Training Plans.

Her blog, www.runnerstood.com is a top read, and I have a particular fondness for her VLM 2012 race report which genuinely had me feeling like I was there every epic step of the way. But it’s not all purely running-related stuff; have a look at this post and just try not to have the pants charmed off of you. Liz can be found giving twitter a piece of her mind as @4race4cities

Liz on Liz

I’m Liz! I run, I write, and I have wild hair. I recently forayed into the world of ultra-marathons and have the black toenails to prove it. If I’m not busy unleashing my inner badass, I can usually be found eating tofu laced with chili and ginger. Food and Weight loss. Can also be found googling Jillian Michaels and wishing I had her abs.

The Big 12…

1. Which actor would portray you in a movie of your running life? (If someone’s already made a movie of your running life, you can skip this question).

Drew Barrymore. I really like her.

2. What’s the one song that never fails to give you a mid-run boost?

Heartlines by Florence and the Machine. The very first time I heard it, I had one of those ‘running song moments’ – you know the type, right? Where everything just comes together and makes sense in the world, and you could literally fall to your knees and weep, thanking the universe for giving you the gift of running. Or something to that effect…

3. In 12 words or less, explain why people should read your blog. You can double up to 24 words, as long as one of them is “octopus”.

I write about running and how it’s changed my life in so many ways. If you don’t want to read my blog, that’s ok.

…Octopus.

4. Why did you start running?

I struggled with anxiety and panic attacks for many years; I tried different forms of therapy and medication, but to no avail. One day, I went for a run, and found that, somehow, my anxiety levels seemed to lower - I felt like my head was clear for the first time in years. From that day, I officially became a runner. I run for my health, both physical and mental. I’ve never looked back. Top Ten Mental Strength Tips.

5. Why do you keep running?

Over the years, as my running has improved and I’ve tackled longer distances, I’ve developed a real affinity with running. I’m not religious, and yet often when I run, I experience an almost spiritual awakening – a deep, connected feeling - to the world and most importantly, with myself. I did not take drugs before I wrote this, I promise.

6. Running’s nice, isn't it?

Yes, running is nice. I don’t really like the word ‘nice’, though. I find it’s a bit of a pathetic, dreary word. It’s the mild cheddar cheese of words. Bland and uninspiring. Running is MINDBLOWINGLY AWESOME! It’s like the strongest cheddar cheese ever! Kapow!

7. What’s the best goodie bag you ever received?

The first race I ever ran, the Adidas Women’s 5K, back in 2008, had an awesome goodie bag. I can’t even remember what was in it, but let me tell you, it was a good one.

8. Still on the subject of goodie bags, imagine you’re a race director with an unlimited budget; what five items would you put in the ultimate goodie bag.

A lifetime of training with Chrissie Wellington.

A grey kitten that never grows into a cat.

Free entry into every single race in the world.

The autobiography of Steve Jobs.

A helicopter ride home with an hours massage on board.

9. Favourite place to run?

Hyde Park and Kensington Gardens.

10. A law is passed that states all runners must have a nickname, like Caballo Blanco or Alan “the Turtle” Winthorpe. What’s yours?

Elikapeka Fiorentina (Elikapeka is my Hawaiian name, and Fiorentina is my favourite type of pizza)

My advice would be: Keep going, run though the initial discomfort, it gets easier. Running will open up a whole different world for you, and you’ll become a better person because of it. Don’t stop. Also, those tight Nike lycra shorts you keep wearing to run in? Don’t. You haven’t quite got the legs for them yet.

12. How are you today?

My toenails hurt, but I’m smiling J.

Details of Liz’s blog and twitter thingy are above. Mine aren’t, they’re here: www.borntoplod.com and @borntoplodblog. So there. More B2PQ&A coming soon.

* Other than that time I queued for two hours to get the autograph of Ruth Madoc out of Hi De Hi. In my defence, I was about nine years old and just as I got to the front of the queue I decided to leave the actual autograph-getting to my mum, while I wandered off to play hook-a-duck.

** Following on Twitter I mean, not in a creepy way. Not like that whole Ruth Madoc business.

Did you enjoy this Blog? Check out more Blogs by Jay.

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Blog Post: 10 Things to do While Waiting for your Garmin to Lock onto Satellites

Borntoplod — Mon, 29 Oct 2012 11:31:00 GMT

10 Things to do While Waiting for your Garmin* to Lock onto Satellites

1. Wonder how the GPS in your mobile phone or in-car satnav can lock on in a matter of moments. Decide to write a stern letter to your MP about it.

2. Whisper into it while glancing around in a furtive manner, so everyone thinks you’re some sort of secret agent.

Seriously, they’ll totally think that.

3. Alphabetise your gels.

4. Do a thorough all-body warm-up while at the same time trying to hold your wrist absolutely still.

5. Gaze thoughtfully up at the sky as if you fully expect to see the satellites, so that you can then make minute adjustments to your position, thereby speeding the whole process along a bit. Every single one of you has done this at some point.

6. Boil an egg.

…assuming of course that you’ve got a pan of boiling water handy.

…and an egg.

(Once it’s boiled to perfection, just throw it away. No time to stand around eating eggs like some sort of fancy la-di-dah egg-eater; there’s running to be done!)

7. Write to the letters page of Runner’s World magazine, demanding that they print more articles about puppies.

8. Stand absolutely still, staring blankly ahead, arms held down by your sides. Then, when your watch beeps to signal that it’s locked on, spring to life and start running. Everyone will think you’re a robot.

9. Write a quick blog post, in which you suggest ten things to do while waiting for your Garmin to lock onto satellites.

10. Just ignore the watch and run anyway. Okay, now I’m just being silly.

* Other GPS watches are, of course, available. But none are quite so Garminny.

Have you got any interesting suggestions of things to do while your Garmin locks onto the satellites? Let us know in the comments below.

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Blog Post: B2P Q&A: Jen Jahn (aka Two Itchy Feet)

Borntoplod — Wed, 24 Oct 2012 15:08:00 GMT

“Billy Joel, Pizza, definitely no octopodes” Jen Jahn (may not be a direct quote)

Jay on Jen

There are many reasons why Jen is great, but the thing that keeps me coming back to her blog time and time again is her peculiar love/hate relationship with running. Other bloggers have similar feelings.

It’s fair to say that there are plenty of things to dislike about running: aches, pains, frustration, crappy weather, getting up extra early, chafing (will there ever be a blog post where I don’t mention chafing? Erm… no); but although Jen grumbles about the bad stuff, there’s an undercurrent of fondness for it. It’s something I can relate to, this notion of “if it was easy, everyone would be doing it, so I’ll embrace the bad”. As much as we all love the kind of run where the terrain flows effortlessly beneath our feet and we own every mile, it’s the struggles that shape us, the hard, sweaty, uncomfortable battles where we’d much rather be indoors watching 'Murder She Wrote' and eating a multipack of curly wurlies.

A word of warning; as lovely as Jen’s blog is, her uncanny ability to look as fresh as a laundered kitten* in post-run photos (where the rest of us would resemble something that’s been festering in a swamp) may cause offence.

Finally, Jen is currently locked in an epic battle for an elusive sub-2 Half Marathon (SPOILER ALERT: in the Great Eastern Run mentioned below she narrowly missed it, coming in at 2:02:23). When she does crack it (and I have a feeling it’ll be soon) we should all send her muffins. Muffins are nice. Improve Your Race Times.

Jen on Jen

Hi. I'm Jen and I write over at Two Itchy Feet. No, don't worry; I don't suffer from some fungal foot condition. On my blog I get to indulge in my love for writing and my passion for running and other sporty-attempts (like my first pathetic go at doing a duathlon), and top it all off with an inimitable (some would say insufferable) ability to go on and on and on about myself.

I'm currently training for my third Half Marathon (the Great Eastern Run) and second-ish attempt at running it in sub-2-hours. Half Marathon Training Plans. I'm also working on overcoming my lack of race-day competitiveness and some severe calf-cramping issues, which have turned earlier races into tragic plods to the finish line.

The Big 12…

1. Which actor would portray you in a movie of your running life? (If someone’s already made a movie of your running life, you can skip this question)

Lindsey Lohan. Her relentless drive to better herself yet perpetual failure at achieving personal improvement give her the perfect pre-requisites to get into my character.

2. What’s the one song that never fails to give you a mid-run boost?

Billy Joel's 'The Longest Time'. I defy you to find something more motivating than a cappella singing and finger clicking!

3. In 12 words or less, explain why people should read your blog. You can double up to 24 words, as long as one of them is “octopus”.

To get dead-ordinary running insight that's sometimes a little bit funny, not to read about octopodes, which is the classical plural of octopus.

4. Why did you start running?

I wanted to be one of the cool girls. Also, I had hit the big 3-0 and somehow my first mid-ish life crisis. I needed a goal to focus on and what better way to challenge myself than to go from self-professed running-hater to first 5k?

5. Why do you keep running?

I'm still trying to be one of the cool girls. It's also become my free therapy hour, my catch-up time with the girlfriends, my head-clearing space, my way to keep semi-fit and healthy and aim (and unfortunately most often fail) to achieve new goals.

6. Running’s nice, isn’t it?

No, Jay. It's actually difficult, mentally challenging, injury-inducing hard work. But I do love it nevertheless. It's like being married, really. So yeah, I guess it ain't that bad after all.

7. What’s the best goodie bag you ever received?

I'm still waiting to get one of those. What's the deal with good goodie bags anyways? Do I have to run a flipping marathon to get a good one? I did once get a deodorant and pantie liners in a Race for Life pink rucksack. I suppose that was quite generous. And one time I got a banana. That was nice, too.

8. Still on the subject of goodie bags, imagine you’re a race director with an unlimited budget; what five items would you put in the ultimate goodie bag.

Car keys (to a brand new Audi S3 convertible parked at the race exit), personalised Brooks running shoes, sequinned CEP compression socks, a bottle of chilled chocolate milk, and a huge piece of pizza from that small pizza place that I went to that one time I was in Rome. I'm a simple gal: satisfied with the best. (And yes, that's Oscar Wilde, I won't plagiarise).

9. Favourite place to run?

Outside, preferably near water. For now the River Cam will do. Looking forward to running along the waterfront when I finally make the move down south to Brighton.

10. A law is passed that states all runners must have a nickname, like Caballo Blanco or Alan “the Turtle” Winthorpe. What’s yours?

Rainbow Jen (coined by Liz over at Runnerstood for my love of über-bright running kit)

I'd grab my younger self by the collar, drag her into the time machine and take her back to my freshman year in college and tell her to tell freshman Jen to start running right then and there. I think college Jen could have done with the headspace running provides, oh, and it might have helped with the freshman 15. Also, I might be a bit faster by now if I'd had an extra decade or so to train.

12. How are you today?

I'm very well, thank you. I played a game of tennis, swam ten laps in the pool, had some lunch and went home to pass out on the couch for a Saturday afternoon nap. Now I'm mentally psyching myself up to run 13 miles tomorrow morning while answering your questionnaire. How are you?

I’m super, thanks.

Now, you should all head over to twitter right this instant and follow @Jens_Itchy_Feet
Her blog is over yonder: www.2itchyfeet.com

* The part of my brain that does simile is currently away on a 2-week backpacking holiday through Switzerland.

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Blog Post: Motivation is the Ultimate Nemesis of Even the Most Dedicated Runner

Borntoplod — Mon, 22 Oct 2012 10:48:00 GMT

Need some motivation? Check out our Motivation Articles.

A chat today with my little buddy Becky (@beckdilley) made me realise that there’s a gap in the market just dying to be filled. Runners are often faced with hurdles* that threaten to keep us from our favourite pastime, or at least hinder it in some way, but there’s usually something out there that can overcome it.

Fatigue? Take your pick from the cornucopia of gels, bars and energy drinks available.

Chafing? Bodyglide, Vaseline or compression gear will sort that out in a jiffy (although they’ll also mark you out as a little bit of a pervert to the untrained eye)

Darkness? Can I interest you in a head torch, sir?

But I couldn’t think of any product out there that can help with the ultimate nemesis of even the most dedicated runner…

…Lack of motivation.

Because all the fancy running shoes, technical gear, pills and potions in the world won’t be a damn bit of use to you if they’re all stuffed in a box under the bed, while you struggle to summon that little spark of mojo needed to actually get out there and run.

The Reluctant Runner lost her mojo. Read more in Mojo Anyone?

I’m sure we’ve all at some point been able to relate to the old adage “the hardest part of any run is getting through the front door”. This is especially true if you’ve lost your keys or can’t reach the handle, but less true if the run involved fighting off a pack of hungry wolves while nursing a pulled hamstring and armed only with a rolled up copy of Practical Lederhosen Weekly.

So anyway, I commissioned a crack team of designers, ergonomists and marketing experts** and would like to unveil my latest invention…

As you can see, the Motivatron 7000 (so-called because it’s 7000 times more awesome than a million universes) is brimming with features. These include:

Bag of spicy chicken from a popular Portuguese restaurant chain, dangled tantalisingly out of reach to encourage forward motion.
Robust unicycle barrow-themed transport platform. Made out of the same stuff NASA use to make space shuttle wings. Or aluminium, we haven’t decided yet.
Flame design, for enhanced speediness.
DVD player showing the training montage from Rocky IV on a constant loop***.

Clearly, the only problem faced by the proud owner of a Motivatron 7000 would be how to stop running****. Well, and how to start running too, because while the thing’s clearly pretty good at keeping you going once you start off, it needs a bit of a kick start to begin with. It’s a bit of a work in progress, but I’m thinking that the solution might involve attaching a soft fluffy kitten or some bubble wrap to the handlebars so that people just can’t resist getting hold of it, at which point the steel clamps fasten around their wrists and away they go.

Did I not mention the clamps?

Oh.

There are clamps.

Anyway, expect to see the Motivatron 7000 in the shops by Christmas, followed shortly afterwards by the Motivatron XT, which is pretty much the same thing but in yellow, and with 60% more excitement.

I have far too much time on my hands.

Twitter me @borntoplodblog

* Not literally. That’d make them hurdlers.

** Who I promptly sacked and replaced with myself, a two litre bottle of Dr Pepper and a cavalier attitude to cutting-and-pasting.

*** Although this isn’t the best training montage of all time. Everyone knows that that accolade belongs to the 1986 classic “No Retreat, No Surrender”. Some beyond-shoddy Born to Plod merchandise will be winging its way to the first three people to agree with me.

**** I’m being serious. We saw some truly horrendous injuries during the product testing phase. It was like the opening scene of Saving Private Ryan, but with slightly more twisted, smouldering bits of wheelbarrow.

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Blog Post: Angst in My Pants: The Internal Dialogue of an Average Training Run

Borntoplod — Wed, 17 Oct 2012 16:19:00 GMT

Foreword: I was struggling to think up a snappy title for this post, but in the end settled on a tenuous pun. I'd like to start off by assuring you, shiny reader, that what you're about to read has nothing whatsoever to do with my pants. Right, now that we've cleared that up, on with the post...

The notion that running is a minefield of social bear traps is a recurring theme on Borntoplod.com, as is mixing my metaphors. I think that says more about me than it does about running.

This blog fulfills several needs for me. It’s a way of keeping me motivated to run on those rare occasions when my mojo hides under the stairs. See Our Seven Ways to Motivate Yourself. It’s also an excuse to put my often-muddled thoughts into words, and of course it’s a front for my counterfeit battenburg smuggling cartel*. It’s also a way of exorcising the razor-toothed fairies of social awkwardness that make a guest appearance during many of my runs.

I had an amazing LSR** around Stewartby Lakes in Bedfordshire last week. Okay, so it wasn’t particularly L, neither was it as S as it should have been. But it was almost certainly an R. Check Out Long Run Training Explained.

My plan was to keep to 10-11 mins/mile, but my pace kept creeping down to 9 min/mile and it just felt too damn good to change. I learned a long time ago not to argue with my legs when they’re in that sort of mood; they can kick, my brain can’t, legs win every time. See another blogger's attempts to control his pace.

About halfway round my delicious 11-miler I spotted another runner up ahead, and before too long I realised that I was going just ever-so-slightly faster than she was. Thinking no more of it, I carried on at my own pace and before too long I was just seconds from overtaking her.

Now, what I hadn’t realised was that she’d done the old trick of “ooh, there’s another runner coming up behind me, I’d better speed up a bit so they think I’m awesome***”. I’d been inadvertently using her as a pacer for the last quarter of a mile, but I only realised that she’d sped up when I glanced at my watch and saw that I was about to zip past her at 7:30 min/mile pace.

There was no bloody way I could maintain that for the rest of my run (this was supposed to be a long one, remember) so I considered my options…

Screech to an immediate halt just a couple of metres behind her and settle into a slower pace. Axe murderer.
Screech to an immediate halt just a couple of metres behind her, turn around and run in the opposite direction. Axe murderer, albeit a slightly bashful one.
Carry on past her and then relax into a slower pace, which would then result in her naturally overtaking me a few seconds later and me plodding along behind her. Axe murderer.
Carry on past her and maintain pace for as long as possible, then quickly dive into a bush and hide there (wheezing and gasping) until she’s gone past. Even I’d think I was an axe murderer with this one.

Luckily, I’m not a very fast thinker so by the time I was halfway to deciding what to do, I was already past. I think I gave the obligatory runners wave and a muffled “morning” as I passed, although it might have come out as “Fear not, fellow traveller, for I mean you no harm”.

As I plodded on, part of my brain decided that my own angst-spiral wasn’t enough, and started to agonize on behalf of my fellow runner too. If I’d been in her position my thought process from the start would have gone something like this…

“Okay, so someone’s behind me at more or less the same pace. I’ll just slow down a teensy bit so they don’t think I’m some ego-driven idiot trying to race them. Right, they’ve overtaken me so now I can relax. Except I must keep at the exact same pace now. If I speed up it’ll look like I’m trying to race them (or axe-murder them). But if I slow down any more I’ll practically be walking”.

As I glanced back over my shoulder, I could see that she kept checking her GPS watch, so maybe she was a fellow worrier. Either that or she was staring intently at her wrist simply to avoid making eye contact with the scary bloke who’d just overtaken her and was now looking back over his shoulder at her.

I decided to try to run through the self-imposed awkwardness, and after a while I was back on my own, with thoughts turning to simpler things (for instance, is there really any difference between cats and dogs? Okay, so they look different, but then again a Rottweiler looks different to a poodle. I reckon cats are just an exotic breed of dog, and it’s all just some elaborate tax dodge).

The remainder of the run was largely uneventful, and I finished feeling fast and strong.

I've started to do more and more negative splits, especially on longer runs. The first few miles are a ploddy affair, but then I seem to find reserves of sparkly energy in the latter half of the run that make me feel like I’m gliding up through the gears. Not effortless by any stretch, but certainly a nice steady feeling and not one that I’m ever going to complain about. How to Improve Your Race Times.

Reading back through this post (and reflecting on others of a similar theme), it strikes me that I come across as a tightly-wound ball of angst and self-doubt, and you’d be forgiven for imagining that I never leave the house without my trusty tinfoil bobble hat.

But the truth of it is that I just tend to over-dramatize situations as a way of occupying my mind during longer runs to break the monotony, in the same way that others might work through mathematical problems or compile mental shopping lists.

My self-imposed bouts of drama might seem a mess of anxiety and paranoia once committed to the page, but at the time, it’s like my own little internal theatre. It’s only when I try to explain it to others that my personal Samuel Beckett play quickly becomes “The Krankies do La Boheme”.

Bye for now folks. I’ll be putting out another B2P Q&A later this week. In the meantime I’ll see you on the twitter where I bumble around as @borntoplodblog.

* From which some of you will know me by my alter ego, El Diablo Marzipano. Shhh… don’t tell Interpol.

** LSR = Long Slow Run, for any non-running chums out there.

*** It’s equally possible that she sped up as part of a carefully structured pacing plan, or simply because she felt like it. But I just like to think that everybody else is a bit like me.

…anyway, we’re all awesome.

Did you laugh out loud at this blog? Why not read more Blogs by Born to Plod?

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Blog Post: Virgin London Marathon Ballot: Those left behind

Borntoplod — Fri, 05 Oct 2012 14:27:00 GMT

In the last week, thousands of hopeful runners would have been saddened (or in some cases, relieved) to receive a rejection letter, informing them that they were unsuccessful in the ballot for next year’s Virgin London Marathon.

If you were one of these, why not see if you can Run for a Charity? Also, join in this week's Great Debate - The Ballot System for the London Marathon Should be Changed to Make it Fairer.

Well, that’s not strictly true, because it wasn’t a letter. They’d instead opted for a magazine, with an Elvis impersonator on the cover and “SORRY” in great big letters. A nice way to sweeten a bitter pill, but sending magazines instead of letters is only fine as long as the quirky synergy stops there and doesn’t go on to become a trend. I’m just waiting for the avalanche of ‘Get Well Soon’ ironing boards, or for my bank manager to tell me about the latest interest rates by stencilling them on a panda.

Anyway, I digress. We were talking about the VLM, weren’t we? Like many of my fellow runners, like many of you, I decided to take a punt and enter the ballot this year. I’ve yet to run a marathon, with my longest training run being a paltry 15 miles. Okay, so if you’d told me a couple of years ago that I’d one day be able to run 15 miles I would have punched you on the nose and called you a ruddy fibber (and that’s swearing). Then I would’ve nicked your time machine.

26.2 miles is something of a holy grail, featuring as it does on the bucket list of most runners; I knew that I stood a better chance of hitting the distance by entering a proper marathon, rather than just trying to build up to it in day-to-day runs. So a few months ago I decided to enter the ballot for the VLM, at which point I promptly forgot about it until Elvis popped through my letterbox*.

If you're thinking of running a marathon, check out our Marathon Training Plans.

“Sorry! YOU have been unsuccessful in gaining a ballot place in the 2013 Virgin London Marathon”. I allowed myself a moment of pedantic nitpicking (the exclamation mark was unnecessary and made the whole thing seem a bit shouty and insincere, and the capitalization of the word “YOU” made it feel like they were prodding me in the chest and telling me I was a loser) before putting it to the back of my mind and getting on with my day.

But then, via the wonders of social media, I started hearing about all the people who had got in. Hang on a minute, that wasn’t fair! Surely, if I didn’t get in, nobody should get in. You’ve probably noticed by now that my brain tends to pretty much do its own thing most of the time; I try not to get involved.

Anyway, most of the people I follow on twitter or know through facebook seemed to be in the same boat as me (the HMS Rejection), but I’m assuming that this was because the people who had been successful were far too busy dancing in the streets and quaffing champagne out of silver buckets. Have a look at The Running Bug Facebook Page.

But a few of my friends who had got in were a bit of a surprise to me, as in all the years I’d known them they hadn’t given any hint of being remotely interested in this running lark. They’d just either watched this year’s marathon or knew someone who had run it, and decided to give it a go.

And this is where I was torn. I’m a great advocate of the whole “run your own race” ethos, and know from bitter experience that comparing oneself to others only leads to frustration. But sometimes that’s easier said than done, with the most notable hotspots (for me, at least) being the VLM and, well, pretty much all of January.

Both of those occasions tend to inspire people to have a go at running, and as magnanimous as I try to be, it’s never easy to watch “Kebabs for breakfast” Nigel from accounts nonchalantly banging out a nineteen minute 5k as his token gesture of a new years resolution. Similarly, the VLM is a wonderful event that unites runners and raises a huuuuge amount of money for charity; but it also brings out a sense of self-loathing in me when I see the Chuckle Brothers cross the finish line in 03:59:59, dressed as wombles.

See more ways to Tick Off A Runner.

So what do I do? Well, I could grumble and mope (because, let’s face it, I've already proved I’m quite good at that) or bury my head in the sand until the whole thing is over. I could turn the air blue with a big old rant just to see if that makes me feel any better.

But no, I won’t be doing any of those things, because the bottom line is this…

As disappointing as it is to not get in, as disheartening as it might feel to see Jimmy and Jenny Newbie** sprint across the finish line on their first foray into running after I’ve spent years fighting to be anything more than a plodder; as frustrating as any of this is, it pales in comparison to how much I bloody love running. Not just the simple thrill of putting one foot in front of the other, but also the infectiousness and inclusivity of the whole thing.

Anyone can do it, and everyone should do it. If I had my way, each and every one of my friends, family and casual acquaintances*** would lace up a pair of trainers and open themselves up to the joy of running. Like I said, a few non-running friends of mine were successful in the ballot, and that can only ever be a good thing – there’s a good chance that the training and the race itself will see them bitten by the running bug, and even if they cross the finish line vowing to never run again, their efforts could still inspire others to have a go the following year. Circle of life and all that.

If you've been inspired to take up running, see our Beginners Running Guide.

So a heartfelt and sincere “good luck” to everyone who got through. And when the training gets too hard or the miles get too long, those of us left behind will be with you in spirit.

* Not literally, although that conjures up some quite disturbing images.

** Not real people. I think.

*** Except Geoff. He knows why.

PS: For more vaguely running-related frivolity, you can follow me on the twitter @borntoplodblog or read more stuff at www.borntoplod.com

PPS: Many thanks to @Hollycall01 of the excellent http://hongeontherun.wordpress.com for kindly letting me use her pic of the VLM "Sorry" magazine, after I threw mine away in an uncharacteristic display of tidying up

Enjoy this blog? See more Blogs by Jay.

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Blog Post: B2P Q&A: Taff Tanner

Borntoplod — Tue, 02 Oct 2012 11:50:00 GMT

Jay on Taff

Taff is one of the nicest people I’ve ever met. Facto.

The fact that he’s a truly awesome runner (and I mean “awesome” in the literal, rather than the colloquial sense) is just the icing on the cake. His knack for putting his epic adventures into words, to the point where anyone who reads his blog genuinely feels as if they’re running alongside him, is the diamond-encrusted platinum-coated cherry on the cake. If it sounds like I’m being over the top, have a look at his Thunder Run 2012 race report. If any of you can read it in its entirety and not feel inspired to run, I’ll buy you a pint. In fact, I’ll buy you several.

But I will think less of you.

Taff on Taff

Hi - I am Taff, part time runner and part time jogger and part time blogger.

I run because it gives me something nothing else does, and because I like granola bars and women in lycra.

I am single, low maintenance, and you can find me on POF with the profile “Cheesecake_is_way_better_than_Sex”. I am also a compulsive liar! No I am not! Yes I am!

I used to do marathons but now I like to Thunder Run, and Ultra Run............

High mileage, and always training, I live in London with my feline boi, Jake, London's hardest moggie!

The Big 12…

1. Which actor would portray you in a movie of your running life? (If someone’s already made a movie of your running life, you can skip this question)

Rob Brydon, who is one of my actual real life virtual facebook friends, and who I am going to have to help train up to play "me".

2. What’s the one song that never fails to give you a mid-run boost?

AC/DC Thunderstruck! Any song that starts chanting my name gets my vote:

"Taffster, na na na na na na na na, Taffster, na na na na na na na na, Taffster........."

The riff is dead catchy and once they got over the shock that it was going to play after every tweet and FB notification and every text. My fellow runners at Thunder Run actually got quite into it! I mean, Thunder Run, Thunderstruck… what’s not to like?

3. In 12 words or less, explain why people should read your blog. You can double up to 24 words, as long as one of them is “octopus”.

My blog is great for making you want to fall asleep, unless..... you happen to be an octopus! They are suckers for love stories!

4. Why did you start running?

One evening I was walking past Comet and some dude in a hoodie gave me a VCR and said "run!"

Actually, a wizard from Middle Earth gave me a ring and said "run you fool, run!"

Joking aside, I ran because it gave me peace during some very trouble times from when I was a soldier.

5. Why do you keep running?

Troubled times above led to copious amounts of alcohol and nicotine, and running has enabled me to kick the habit (21 months this weekend!)

Also, I am now a much calmer person, and have a cute butt! And Abs! And a vacancy.... (ok, I lied but two out of three ain't bad!)

6. Running’s nice, isn’t it?

Running is what defines me! You can go to these places and see folk who help you map out your life and get to where you want to go....

I find my life is an open road and I just head out the door and run a few more thousand steps along it, never going to lose the buzz it gives me!

7. What’s the best goodie bag you ever received?

Best - VLM - one year I had a bag of tea bags and a £10 note in with mine, obviously a helper got confused, but there were 30,000 bags there!

Worst - Waltham Forest 1/2M (crappy medal, crappy shirt, no granola bar!

8. Still on the subject of goodie bags, imagine you’re a race director with an unlimited budget; what five items would you put in the ultimate goodie bag.

Hmmmmmm five items unlimited budget.

A £500 voucher for Garmin, A year's supply of granola bars, a kitten, an autographed box of choclitts, like the ones in Forest Gump, and an Audi R8

(ok, I know it will be a big goodie bag, but you did stress unlimited ultimate goodie bag!)

9. Favourite place to run?

Naked in the rain.

No, it’s not where or when it’s with..... it’s nice to run with friends! But if I am on my own, down the Grand Union Canal to Chiswick, turn left.....

10. A law is passed that states all runners must have a nickname, like Caballo Blanco or Alan “the Turtle” Winthorpe. What’s yours?

Leg End - Caballo Blanco was a legend, Haille is a legend, Kylie is a legend - me? I am just a Leg End!

I would write down all the races I went to where I saw a really beautiful fab female runner and tell me to get my @ss in gear, get fit, and go to ALL these races and meet these amazing sexy lady runners!

Or, I would simply say Never Buy Karrimor, Never wear red on a cross country run through a field of cow. Stop heel striking, and invent the Vibram FFS before its time and allow it to be ridiculed and sink into minimalistic hell!

12. How are you today?

Today, I am fabulous, as I am nearer to getting my heel thru its MRI scan so I can determine how broken it is so I can fix it!

Well, that’s the first B2P Q&A. Hope you enjoyed it. If you want more Taff, you’ll find him at http://hewhotrainstrains.blogspot.co.uk or on twitter @thunder_runna

If you’ve got any suggestions for other bloggers you’d like to see pestered with these questions, let me know either on here, via twitter (@borntoplodblog) or on my website www.borntoplod.com

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Blog Post: B2PQ&A: Upcoming Feature

Borntoplod — Mon, 01 Oct 2012 13:35:00 GMT

Hello, you’re looking fantastic today. I didn’t want to say this in front of the others, but you’re my favourite reader.

Anyway, just a quickie to let you know about an upcoming feature for the blog. As well as my usual weekly(ish) bouts of nonsense, I’m going to start interviewing (okay, pestering) some of my fellow runners. I’ll be asking the kind of hard-hitting questions that, up until now, the running establishment has been too afraid to ask. So, if you’ve always wanted to know what Haile Gebrselassie’s favourite owl is*, or whether Paula Radcliffe has ever punched a vicar**, stay tuned.

Working on the assumption that the world’s top runners won’t be falling over themselves to indulge me in my nonsense, I’m going to start off by talking to some of my favourite running bloggers. An absolutely amazing bunch, all of them are well worth a read, so be sure to subscribe to them if you’re not already.

I’ve got a few lined up already, but if you’ve got any suggestions please let me know, either through this site or via the twitter (@borntoplodblog).

Bye then,

* No idea

** She hasn’t (as far as I know)

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